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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740015">Too personal</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/roselock/pseuds/roselock'>roselock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stay [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Peaky Blinders (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confessions, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Flashbacks, I was gonna make this a lot nastier but it ended up being pretty sweet, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, next one will probably be a lot nastier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:22:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,463</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23740015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/roselock/pseuds/roselock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Too personal, he should have laughed in Alfie's face, teased him and asked if he'd developed some sort of childish crush. But somehow in the short period of time since they had started fucking, and whatever else it was they were doing, Tommy found himself eager at the idea of going home with him, found that it was him who had the childish crush. Eager at the idea of being too personal.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stay [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1710043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Too personal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this marks the first fic in what will eventually become a series...hopefully.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't the first time they had slept together, not even close, but it was the first time they were ever in Alfie's home. His request for Tommy to return to his house with him after their meeting concluded had caught Tommy off guard, not that he showed it. Or at least he hoped he didn't. Because he should have said no. Too personal, he should have laughed in Alfie's face, teased him and asked if he'd developed some sort of childish crush. But somehow in the short period of time since they had started fucking, and whatever else it was they were doing, Tommy found himself eager at the idea of going home with him, found that it was him who had the childish crush. Eager at the idea of being too personal.</p>
<p>So he responded with a curt nod, moving to sit back down and retightening his tie where he had begun to pull it loose, in preparation for what was normally to come after their meetings had concluded. From there they had moved quickly, packing up their things, Alfie saying his goodbyes to Ollie, and exiting the bakery before fifteen minutes had passed. The haste was nothing new.</p>
<p>“So, are you driving? You don't expect me to leave my car here do you?” Tommy had asked, he felt a little silly, he had never thought Alfie would invite him to his home, had not expected him to want Tommy in his home in general, at least not so early. He was wholly unprepared, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't curious to see what Alfie's home was like. </p>
<p>“Nah mate, here.” Alfie reached into his own pocket to remove the small notepad he kept and wrote on it quickly, handing it to Tommy to reveal it was in fact an address, “I’ll meet you there, park all the way down the block, passed that ugly house with the strange fuckin' door.” He rubbed a hand over his beard, looking down the road to where Tommy could see Alfie's driver approaching with his car. It was not a dissimilar situation to how these meetings normally went, if they didn't just remain in Alfie's office, but the paper usually contained a hotel and room number.</p>
<p>Tommy quirked his eyebrow, an amused look on his face, “How the hell do you expect me to know what you would consider ugly, knowing your taste.” </p>
<p>Alfie scowled at him, “I’ll ignore you said that mate. My taste is impeccable, could not be better, just you wait.” And with that Alfie was walking away with only a wave over his shoulder, clearly not caring to elaborate on the condition of the apparently hideous home any further. Tommy took one last look at the paper and its contents, smiling to himself at the new development in his and Alfie's relationship, before heading towards his car to follow suit.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Tommy would learn to know, after following the sheet of paper to the correct address, that there was in fact an abhorrently unattractive house at the end of Alfie's block, chipping brick that had been half hazardously covered in chipping yellow paint, with a blood red door that was covered in muck and dirt on the bottom, likely from being kicked open too many times. Surely the owner was either blind or senile, because there was no way anyone in their right mind would live in a place like that, Tommy thought, but then again, it was London. Tommy had seen plenty of things in London he thought he never would.</p>
<p>By the time he made it to Alfie's doorstep, he had to take a few seconds to will up the nerve to knock, he had the strange urge to turn around and walk right back to his car. It would probably be the smart thing to do, to not indulge his newfound incessant need to spend more time with Alfie, to get to know him better. Before he could convince himself to turn around however, the door swung open and he was quickly being ushered inside, the baker taking a few seconds to look outside down the street both ways before finally closing it and placing the multitude of locks in place. Even Alfie Solomons had to be careful apparently.</p>
<p>Before Tommy could say anything, or even remove his coat for that matter, Alfie was crowding into his space, placing his hands on Tommys face and a knee between his thighs. The suddenness of it catching him off guard.</p>
<p>“You're not going to offer me tea?” Tommy teased. Alfie seemed taken aback, laughing much louder than Tommy expected at the frankly poor joke. He supposed that since he didn't tell them often, they mean much more.</p>
<p>Before he could question it further however, Alfie had recovered from his surprise, whispering “It's not tea you're here for, you and me both know that,” and kissed him almost aggressively, pushing him harder against the wall with his entire body. It seemed Alfie was in quite the mood, normally he would always jump at the opportunity to talk Tommys ear off whenever he could.</p>
<p>They made their way to Alfie's bedroom quickly after that, Tommy nearly tripping every other step on stacks of books piled high in the hallway. Alfie seemed unfazed, navigating his way through the pile with an uncharacteristic gracefulness that almost made Tommy smile. The house so far was everything he had expected, the piles of books, trinkets and miscellaneous items lined the walls on shelves that Alfie had clearly hung up himself. It made him feel oddly sentimental.</p>
<p>When they made it to the bedroom, Tommy only had a precursory moment to take a look around before he was being grabbed by his waist and being pulled against Alfie's chest, forcing his front against the door. The room was dark, too dark, only the faintest glow from the streetlamp filtering through drawn curtains. </p>
<p>Alfie's lips were on his neck, grinding himself against Tommys backside. Normally this would have been enough to get Tommy out of his own head, but the darkness of the room was too unsettling to shake.</p>
<p>He took another look around, it was nearly too dark to see at all, but he could make out the faint shape of a bed and what was likely a nightstand beside it, but besides that it was a mystery. In all the times they had done this, the light had always been on, Tommy couldn't remember the last time he laid in a bed with the lamp turned off, not even to sleep. He knew he was still haunted by the tunnels and the horrors of being buried alive, Alfie would have no way of knowing this. They had never had the conversation, never would have the conversation.</p>
<p>He was knocked out of his train of thought by the tightening grip of Alfie's hands on his waist, surely leaving faint bruises that Tommy would make sure to complain about, even though he didn't mind them. Alfie bit gently at the junction of Tommys neck and shoulder, hands squeezing tighter for a moment, before moving his hands around to unbuckle Tommys belt, reaching inside to palm languidly over his cock. Tommy let out a shaking breath, momentarily forgetting his anxiety over the lack of light.</p>
<p>“Get on the bed, take off the rest of your clothes, the oil is in the other room, I’ll be right back.” Alfie whispered against his ear, giving Tommy a final squeeze before moving him from the door to go through it. When he was gone, Tommy quickly removed the rest of his clothing and made his way on shaky legs towards the bed, reaching out to feel for the edge. </p>
<p>Minutes had passed and Alfie still had not returned, he took a deep breath, trying to ignore the pounding of his own heart the longer he was alone. Alfie had been gone too long, he should get up and go find him, but Tommy couldn't get his limbs to move. The growing panic leaving him glued to the spot, he couldn't even get his arm to move to reach for the lamp.</p>
<p>Without Alfie here, there was nothing to stop him from thinking about the tunnels, about how the last time he was in the dark like this, it had been twenty meters below ground, Freddie and Danny’s voices were crystal clear in his mind. He shut his eyes tight, trying to will the suffocating feeling in his chest away.</p>
<p>But the longer his eyes stayed closed, the more vivid the scent of earth and muck became, the sound of his own heartbeat growing incessantly louder, the stronger the feeling of Danny breathing on his neck felt. No longer was he in Alfie's bedroom, but he was back in tunnels, earth falling around him. He could feel the burning grip of Danny's hand on his ankle and the bony press of Freddie’s shoulder against his back from where they were forced together when the tunnel collapsed, crying out as they were all buried alive.</p>
<p>He gasped for air and scrambled further onto the bed, drawing his legs up to his chest and trying to breath deeply like Freddie had shown him. But Freddie was gone now; and so was Danny. </p>
<p>God, he was alone now. The feeling was clawing its way through his chest, threatening to tear him open.</p>
<p>Tommy could feel himself devolving, his breath coming faster. He squeezed his eyes shut as tight as he could. He was going to-</p>
<p>“Hey! Hey, what's going on?” Tommys gasped as he was brought out of his panic to see Alfie kneeling on the bed beside him, arms reaching out like he was hesitant to touch him, the open door was allowing the light from the hallway to spill in. He looked around frantically for a moment; no dirt, no Freddie, no Danny. He finally turned back to Alfie.</p>
<p>Tommy could feel the weight lift of his chest now that he could see Alfie's face, but he was suddenly overcome with the overwhelming urge to lash out, or cry, there really was no telling. All he knew was that Alfie had seen him in a deeply vulnerable position. After this he wouldn't want Tommy in his bed, he would never invite him back here, maybe he would find someone else entirely-</p>
<p>“Tommy, get out of your head mate, talk to me.” Alfie reached forward now, bringing his hand up to cradle the back of his head. His other hand came up to tilt Tommys chin to face him, “Just tell me what it is mate, did I do something?” He said quietly, it took Tommy off guard, how gentle he was being. Their relationship had never been more than purely physical, something they had agreed on from the beginning, even the invitation to Alfie's home had shocked him. But here he was, Alfie touching him much more gently than he ever had before, speaking to him in a tone he had never heard before.</p>
<p>“Turn the light on, please.” He murmured, voice shaking, finally looking up to meet Alfie's eyes. He supposed now would be the telling point, how Alfie reacted to this would give him all he needed to know. Whether all of this had in fact become too personal.</p>
<p>He waited for the question with apprehension, prepared himself to lash out when the “wait, you're afraid of the dark? Like a child?” came; but it never did. Alfie just nodded and stood up quickly, much quicker than what could have been good for his knees, and moved to turn on the lamp. So unquestioning it was almost unnerving. Tommy just watched him as he walked back to the door frame, realizing now Alfie was completely nude, to where he could see the small bottle of oil had been dropped to the ground. He had probably stripped in the hallway during his haste to retrieve it.</p>
<p>Once Alfie had retrieved it, he placed it in the drawer of his bedside table, “Won't be needing that tonight, couldn't find the damn thing, that's why it took me so long,” before resettling on the bed, his back against the headboard. They were shoulder to shoulder now, both of them looking at their feet. It was awkward, both waiting to see what the other would do. Alfie probably wanted an explanation; or maybe he was waiting for Tommy to leave. </p>
<p>At this thought, Tommy began to sit up, if they weren't going to fuck he needed to go, he wouldn’t give Alfie the opportunity to kick him out.</p>
<p>“I’m going back to Birmingham in the morning, I’ll get a hotel for tonight. Am I to assume our meeting for next week is still on? Or are you-” He cuts himself off when Alfie takes hold of his wrist. </p>
<p>Alfie gives him an incredulous look. “The fuck are you on about? Hotel? Fuck would you stay at a hotel for?” He looked genuinely confused, like the thought that Tommy wouldn't stay the night never even crossed his mind. “You’ll stay here, yeah? And in the morning you can go back to that cesspool you call Birmingham, but tonight you'll sleep in my bed.”</p>
<p>As much as it made Tommys heart race to hear it, that Alfie wanted him to stay, he also knew the strain on his body after have an episode, he was going to need to sleep soon. He sighed “We can’t fuck tonight Alfie, don't bother, I wont waste your time.” He was trying to sound casual, but really he knew that if he left now, he would never come back; the thought causing his voice to quiver. He tried to pull his hand out from Alfie's grip, but it wouldn't budge.</p>
<p>Alfie's expression was soft, “Of course we aren't, silly boy. We don't have to do anything, just come here” Alfie reached to him from where he was leaning against the headboard, the hand not holding Tommys wrist coming to pull gently at his hip, coaxing him until he was sat with his back against Alfie's chest.</p>
<p>“You don't have to run away, mate, we’ll sleep here, and in the morning if you're up to it we’ll give it another shot; and if you're not, then who cares,” he paused, letting his lips brush the top of Tommys head, bring his arms around Tommys chest to hold him tighter, “I want you here.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Tommy whispered as he allowed himself to settle further into Alfie's embrace, his heart racing from the admission, but he could feel himself beginning to drift off from the comforting heat of Alfie's body against his. It appeared too personal was something they both wanted.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>All mistakes are my own (let me know if you catch anything), I hope you liked it, come say hello on tumblr @sholomons if you'd like:) This was also inspired by the prompt request "Wait, you're afraid of the dark?" from @mafaldaz</p></blockquote></div></div>
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